Making the cut with the family

I think people look to these regular Sunday musings as lighter fodder for coffee and toast. When I talk to people at the grocery store or on the golf course or covering games, meetings, what have you, they always mention Beside the Point.
One guys said the other day, “I know you take a lot of crap for what you do, but I like the way you do it. And my favorite thing is your Sunday piece.”
I’m a very humble guy and I don’t know how to process that most of the time, so I thank them and am appreciative of the comment.
I want to provide something light, but I can’t always do that. I think there’s intrinsic value in sometimes just speaking from the heart. If that’s not anything you’re interested in, it’s the one time in the writing business where I’ll say just catch me next week.
But, this week I wanna chat about family.
It’s the season of vacations and summer road trips as you’re fully aware from last week’s Beside the Point. Barney says, “Hey”.
I’ve been a member of a family for 56 years, but I haven’t always been a good member of that family. I’m not sure what the barometer is for determining if you’re a solid member of your family or not. I suppose if you keep getting invited to things, you’re making the cut.
I think I continue to make the cut, but it isn’t without ups and downs. And making the cut sometimes is just done out of love. I know that from first-hand experience.
Forgiveness is a huge part of being in a family. But I think we get a certain number of apologies in a lifetime before people just believe you are who you are and the expectation lowers. You don’t want to get to that point. It’s hard to get back from that line. I know that from first-hand experience, as well. In the past few years after the loss of our daughter, I’ve dabbled with that line. I tend to think over the past five years, I’ve been “dabbled” with, as well. If you believe in destiny, then I’ll say destiny has dealt me a pretty screwed up hand, but for much of that time, I can’t help but wonder how often I could have changed destiny by making better decisions when it comes to family.
Did I pick the right time to speak up? (Usually that is a hard “No”) It’s part of this journalism thing and it's education. We are trained to push people for accountability. I have to say that it's a siege and exhausting. But there are times to push with family and believe it or not, and I believe it, there are times to stay in the background.
We all have different families that we navigate and celebrate, but without them we’re really just out here wandering alone.
I watch daily as families work their magic. Whether it’s a child asking for money for a hot dog at a ball game and mom or dad smiling and digging into the front pocket for a few bills, or someone yelling out encouragement to the daughter in a circle slinging softballs. It always brings a smile to my face.
This is where the world is just immeasurable possibility, I just can’t figure out why we keep making it look like such a losing proposition. But that’s a song for a different day.
 Don’t get me wrong. I root every day for the world. I listen to the news every morning and go up and down with the good and bad. My daughter frets over a failing society that’s geared toward greed over compassion. I try to be a dad and tell her that we still live in the most free society in the world and that’s worth fighting for. But she’s very intelligent and has good arguments for how capitalism is quickly becoming the villain and no longer the hero of said free society.
I see it as my role as a dad to try to keep optimism alive in her. But she makes compelling arguments, and I find myself reassessing to make another argument. They are hard to come by.
I want to be that source of optimism for her, but she’s an adult and has been for more than a decade. She has foundations based on living in the largest city in the world and experienced things most of us haven’t. I’m not sure being a Midwest dad with a Midwest upbringing is enough to help her anymore.
Then I wonder if I’m making the cut with her. She’d say yes, because that’s who she is. My wife and I are separated and have been for several years, do I still make the cut with her? These are thoughts that fester with me and I’m just not sure they don’t fester with others, as well.
If a Sunday conversation about the sabermetrics of family positioning and value isn’t your cup of tea, then this week, I certainly didn’t make the cut.
My family will forgive me – But that’s Beside the Point.
Chuck Vandenberg is editor and co-owner of Pen City Current and can be reached at Charles.V@PenCityCurrent.com.