Taipai 101 feat wigged me out

Climbing trees is something that I liked to do as a kid. I didn’t mind getting way up there 30, 40 feet. I remember my mom coming out in the backyard behind the trailer we lived in when I was little and telling me to “get outta the damn tree”.
There was a big willow out in front that would hold our weight if we grabbed like 20 strands and took off running and jumped in the air. When you only weighed 60 pounds, that tree was a swing, baby. If you don’t know Willow trees they have these long stringy branches and, when healthy, they are green and pliable with small sliver like leaves. You could run and jump and grab a bunch through the air and it would swing you. But if the boughs gave, it was thud and grunt time.
Climbing down the maple in the back was never as easy as getting up because you were looking up on the way up and not looking down for branches to step on and seeing what lay at the bottom if you missed a step. I got scraped up for sure. Bark does bite.
Well along those lines, this week I watched Alex Honnold climb most of the way up Taipai 101 in Taiwan. If you haven’t seen this streaming on Netflix, you have to see it. This guy is incredible. I stop short of calling him insane, but keeping it real, that was insane. It completely wigged me out. And I say I watched most because I just had to turn it off.
But this guy isn’t insane, he knew exactly what he was doing. I don’t think people realize what we saw there. I think he got a mid-six figure paycheck. And that’s insane. I’m not sure I do three stories for half a million. I mean…maybe. I got on my brother’s roof last fall and was fine getting up there, but when I got there and stood up, I kinda froze. That realization that a slip is an MRI or worse quickly set in.
I’m writing about that this week because I was in complete sensory overload and the crazy part of it all is that I watched after he had already done it. It was replay. I knew he made the climb! So one would think you could keep some of the anxiety in check.
Nope.
From the moment he got about 50 feet up that building my stomach clenched up and I could feel panic setting in behind my knees - that uncomfortable energy you get when you’re on the incline up the roller coaster. This guy was climbing up the side of this building which was built vertically and stacked so that the 15-story segments leaned away from center. Away from center! So not only did he have to fight vertical gravity, but he had to fight geometry.
Now I know what’s it like to fight geometry. Our high school geometry teacher reminded me of Capt. Kangaroo and I could never concentrate. I think he made his own clothes and his jackets had big pockets with white stitching. He was a character for sure, but I barely survived the class with all its postulates and theorems and one-thing-leading to another garbage. If A + B = a bushel of potatoes, and a tomato is a fruit and fruit is congruent but not equal to A, then B has to be an artichoke. I know battling geometry.
This ain’t that, man. You throw Newton and everybody else out the window. This guy loses grip and the convoluted formula that determines the effect of gravity on a falling body is, quite literally, "terminal" velocity.
And unlike his best friend who was suspended by a rope, which by the way is also a horrible image for a guy sitting 15 feet from the big screen, Honnold had no rope. He had no parachute in a fanny pack. He had sticky shoes and a bag of chalk. And he climbed 1,667 feet straight up.
Now I get those are tools of a climber, but c’mon man. He got up the first section of the building, which was just straight up and then climbed around this decorative metal corner piece by putting his feet on the molding and pulling himself up onto a platform. Then he stood on the edge of the damned thing and waved down at people. It was the first in a series of pauses where he would look down at the thousands of people there and wave.
Just standing there safe on the platform, the city and mountainous terrain outside the city in the backdrop, I could feel my stomach tight and energy throughout my body. I was hot with nerves and I was texting people feverishly.
I was furious with publicity seeking geeks inside the building safe and sound who kept distracting him wanting selfies, to which he obliged. I think he even tried to high five one kid through the window. I mean, leave the damn guy alone, he’s freaking me out.
In between some of the climbing, Netflix cut to some interviews and footage they had of Honnold working out. Climbers are special fitness freaks. This guy probably had 0 body fat. His routine including holding the side - the side - of the squat rack up high and doing pullups. Then he went to a flat bar up high and did pull ups holding on with just the top half of his fingers.
He could extend his lower body out horizontal to the ground on a rock wall. This guy built himself to climb stuff. And, even if you could somehow condition yourself to sustain the climb, being able to put the fall out of your mind takes more mettle than the physical attributes.
Honnold isn’t insane. He’s prepared and willing and confident. But sitting in my comfortable chair with a computer on my lap, I swear I had more anxiety than this guy holding onto the outside metal framing of a building 1,200 feet in the air and enjoying the view.  He can have that.
I’ll stick to geometry on paper. – But that’s Beside the Point.
Chuck Vandenberg is editor and co-owner of Pen City Current and can be reached at Charles.V@PenCityCurrent.com .