Wonder if my new drug will fix my stupid

My doctor put me on Jardiance this week.
I guess the pancreas isn’t producing as much insulin as it used to. Probably has something to do with years of Jameson, or just really bad jeans. Oh wait, genes. I’m not a big fan of my “jeans” anymore either. Takes more to keep them up and I usually need a belt. But it isn’t for losing weight, just “shifting” it around a little.
The Jardiance was spurred by a higher than normal A1C reading, which is a snapshot of your body’s handling of blood sugar over a prolonged period of time.
It's supposed to stave off some of the long-term effects of Type 2 diabetes.
Well, they say it helps with a lot of things. I had a doctor tell me when Jardiance was in a test group before gaining FDA approval, it worked so well that they had to take the placebo group out and give that group the new medication because of an ethical conundrum.
They say it can help with weight loss, but most insurance companies won’t pay for it unless you have the elevated A1C.
So now we’ll watch to see what happens.
I work out regularly, but I still pretty much eat what I want when I want. Let’s see what this wonder drug does to that.
At my age even thinking about an open-faced hot roast beef sandwich including the mashed potatoes and gravy puts on a couple of pound and a half.
I see these commercials on television and I’ve always thought I didn’t want to have to be on them because most of the commercial is telling you why you shouldn’t take it. The guy doing the voice over talks a mile a minute telling you all the stuff that could happen with the drug and then some older adult that can dance and sing a little looks up at the camera which has to be in a boom truck, and smiles big with their new life on this drug or that.
Well, I’m the guy that pays close attention to the “onboarding”. The different feels and subtleties that pop up as a new medication starts to take hold.
This has been fairly docile. Nothing urgent, but I started to hear my tummy rumbling a little more than usual. And you know that always happens at the perfect time. This time I was in an early morning school board meeting with Central Lee. I kept trying to sit up straight to alleviate some the noises clearly coming from the drug and the coffee I slammed on the way to Donnellson.
It kept coming and I started looking down the line of chairs like a bad golfer who shanks a range ball. My eyes sent a message, ‘whose stomach is growling? Come on, man.' I shuffle in my chair to move the air bubbles around, but nope.
Fortunately, Central Lee meetings move pretty fast and I was outta there. I can certainly tell that my appetite is changing. It’s not that I don’t wanna eat, I do, but I don’t eat as much, feeling fuller sooner. Which kinda sucks because I’ve been cooking better lately. Made a jambalaya with Andouille sausage and Bob Evans' Italian sausage, celery, onions, garlic, lemon, and avocado. I just mashed the avocado right into the sausage and vegetables and it worked okay. Omega 3s, baby. I cook with avocado oil, too.
That normally would’ve produced a day of leftovers, but this stayed in the Tupperware for four days. That’s the limit for me on leftovers. Unless its chili. I can do chili for a week, but it better be good chili, and as long as I can dip the crunchy peanut butter sandwiches cut diagonally for optimal dipping of the points, I’m gonna eat it.
So if I lose a few pounds on this medication that is used for just about everything, I’m okay with that. I just hope it has a side effect that grows hair back. And if it gets rid of that inability to squat down and then stand back up without your knees screaming at you – that would be cool. And that condition where you just fall asleep in your chair while you're typing and you end up with characters all over your screen…there needs to be a cure for that.
And falling off a pool ladder…apparently, I need a cure for that. And driving past my turn more than twice on the same trip…I think Jardiance can have some impact there. And thinking it’s okay to step out on your cement porch after an ice storm in bare feet and not expect to go down hard – what can we take for being stupid?
C’mon, Jardiance.
Speaking of needing help, I wanna take my nephew Hayden to Branson because apparently, they have the first ever all-you-can eat buffet at a McDonalds? Unless it’s urban legend or AI is screwing with me. I wanna see that kid tear that up – But that’s Beside the Point.
Chuck Vandenberg is editor and co-owner of Pen City Current and can be reached at Charles.V@PenCityCurrent.com.